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"a Woman of Wisdom" With permission: Maartjevan Dokkum http://www.maartjevandokkum.nl

Conscious Aging Women March 2025

Let us talk about self-care. Self-care is always important but especially important in these times of chaos and uncertainly when our emotions can run riot.

How does increasing our sense of who we are and what triggers our thoughts and emotions helps us?

Research by Dr. Bruce Lipton, Dr. Candance Pert and others has shown that our thoughts produce emotions and those emotions produce hormones and other substances that directly affect our body chemistry, our blood pressure, our heart rate and other activities in our body and mind. When we are angry or upset our body releases cortisol and adrenaline which activates the flight or fight responses in our body. Blood flow to the brain is reduced and sent into our arms and legs to ready us to take flight or to fight the situation. But, often the difficult situation or thought is in our head not in a present physical danger. With less blood going to the brain, our ability to think clearly and assess a situation is greatly lessened and we often act in ways that are more harmful than helpful. Because we have not improved the situation, the fight or flight hormones continue to pour into our bodies and not only do these hormones reduce our ability to think clearly, they negatively affect our immune system so we are less able to fight off infections.

When we are more aware of what our “trigger points” are, we can begin to understand why these “trigger points” affect us so strongly and we can recognize the physical signs when we are being “triggered”. Then we can stay out of situations that trigger us, such as watching the daily news reports or discussing certain topics with certain people. Now that we know certain areas of our lives “trigger” us we can “talk ourselves down” and reduce the emotions that are triggered.

We are living in a time of great upheaval. The media is ever present, bombarding us with information, misinformation, outright lies and pictures of catastrophes that are very upsetting. A sense of helplessness is easily felt and adds to our fears and lack of control. It is OK and actually imperative that we protect ourselves from this bombardment. It is important to understand what is going on in the world but it is even more important to recognize our limits and abstain from what is upsetting us. Now, more than ever, it is time to prioritize play and engage with positive people. Take care of yourself by any means that brings a laugh or love into your life. The sillier the better !!

Conscious Aging Women February 2025

CAW New Year's resolutions

We make New Year's resolutions to go to the gym or lose weight, etc. What if we made one or more resolutions to become more conscious of our emotions, thoughts, or our default positions when we become stressed or angry? This kind of resolution will be very helpful to us becoming more conscious of our thoughts and emotions and, once we become conscious, we can then decide what we wish to keep doing and thinking and feeling, or what we need to change.

Below is a list of possible resolutions that may prove to be helpful. You may think of ways to remind yourself about remembering your resolutions. Perhaps, you could put a stickie on a mirror or the frig, perhaps draw a picture that reminds you, or do whatever helps you.

If none of these resolutions interest you, then make up some of your own. At the beginning, you may forget to engage your resolutions. Be patient and kind with yourself and keep on going. When you can remember to engage your resolution one time per day, than increase that to more times per day. If that resolution becomes part of your day, you may try to engage another resolution. Be creative with how you approach this and please be kind and patient with yourself. Keep a journal if that helps.

Here are some resolutions to consider:

Take one minute or more to follow your breath, IN and OUT. It is important to do this when you are feeling stress, but it is also important just to connect to your breath and your body.

Give the benefit of the doubt to yourself and others instead of immediately judging.

Notice tension in your body and do a stretch or some physical exercise or, if you can’t do that, give your body a blessing for being conscious of feeling the stress.

Take notice of a difficult emotion you are feeling and, if you can't process it at the time, write it down. When you have the time, visualize the emotion and try to understand where it came from, bless it. Ask for help dealing with it if you can't get clarity.

One time per week, do something that gives you pleasure or relaxes you.

Don't let the "perfect" imagined result get in the way of doing something that helps you or the situation you are in.

Remember, change is a process and doesn’t happen ASAP. If you forget to do what you have affirmed, then start over and begin again. This is not a race. This is you becoming more conscience of your body, your emotions, your thoughts, your spiritual path. This is a lifetime journey.

If you don't find the above helpful, think of what can help and do that. Keep experimenting until you find what works.

We hope you find these suggestions helpful.

Conscious Aging Women January 2025

January has often been used as a reflection time as one year ends and another dawns. It’s a take- stock time, and a time to maybe chart a new path.

In a refreshing and light way, we thought we would present to you Julie Andrews thoughts on her 79th Birthday in the remembered sounds of her “My Favorite Things” from “The Sound of Music.” This may inspire your own thoughts and what you might be grateful for…

"Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses, Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses, Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings, These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, when the bones creak,
When the knees go bad, I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinning’,
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had,
And then I don’t feel so bad.”

Happy 2025 to you all! May the year bring more self appreciation and inner joy!

Conscious Aging Women December 2024

What does it look like when we act from "our better Angels"?

So much today seems to magnify hatred, opposition, "us vs. them" thinking, anger and violence. How can we hope to bring our society together? What would draw us closer, rather than more apart?

Responses to this may vary greatly, but often they can seem so simple. It's not the grandiose philosophical opinions that draw us together. It is the simple and human desires and instincts that draw us in to one another.

Below are two writings that share things that seem to support embracing each other. Read them and perhaps you might want to make some lists of things that speak to you about what says "similarity" and "brotherhood." Add to these writings your own reflections.

"When you are strong . . ."

A kind woman was once asked,
"How can you be so gentle
in a world that is so harsh?"
She smiled and, pointing to her heart, she said,
"When you are strong on the inside,
you can afford to be soft on the outside,
for there is no need to prove
what already exists within."

   Tahlia Hunter

"Small Kindnesses"

A kind woman was once asked,
I’ve been thinking about the way, when you walk
down a crowded aisle, people pull in their legs
to let you by. Or how strangers will still say "bless you"
when someone sneezes, a leftover
from the Bubonic plague. "Don't die," we are saying.
And sometimes, when you spill lemons
from your grocery bag, someone else will help you
pick them up. Mostly, we don't want to harm each other.
We want to be handed our cup of coffee hot,
and to say thank you to the person handing it. To smile
at them and for them to smile back. For the waitress
to call us honey when she sets down the bowl of clam chowder,
and for the driver in the red pick-up truck to let us pass.
We have so little of each other now. So far
from tribe and fire. Only these brief moments of exchange.
What if they are the true dwelling of the holy, these
fleeting temples we make together when we say, "Here,
have my seat," "Go ahead- you first," "I like your hat."

   From Healing the Divide: Poems of Kindness and Connection

We wish you a happy and restful Chrismas seson! May the Winter Solstice here in the Northern Hemisphere bring the “Return of Light” to you life!

Conscious Aging Women November 2024

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of miracles, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair." (A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens)

How do we live with such contradictions? Yet, that is what life truly is. We are both Spirit and matter, and our contradictions begin from that Truth. We are capable of love and compassion, and we are capable of hate and judgment. And, we can fill in all the other contradictions that we live with in our lives. Sometimes we act from either our better angels or from our worst impulses. That is a choice we make many times during each day.

As we become more conscious of our motivations, and more conscious of the feelings and emotions that follow when we act from our motivations, we begin to notice that acting from motivations of anger, jealousy, judgement , etc. often leave us not feeling as good as we thought we would feel. We can feel empty, guilty, mean and, often , when acting from our “negative” emotions, the situation we are in gets worse. Acting on “negative” emotions is also not physically healing. Our blood pressure goes up, our stress hormones fill our system and cause us to stop thinking clearly. We can go into a “fight or flight” stance, which suppresses the blood flow to our brain and sends it to our limbs, so we are able to run away from danger. When blood leaves the brain, our reason becomes clouded, and we are unable to see the whole picture or see where there are areas of compromise which serve everyone involved.

When acting from our heart, or "better angels", we are calm and better able to see the whole picture, the person or the situation we face. This may then be seen as a challenge, rather than a disaster that has no solutions. When acting from our heart, we don’t feel as threatened or fearful. We know that we can trust our heart to find a solution that will be beneficial to all concerned. We can understand that difficult situations in our life are not there to hurt us, but those situations can be a learning experience. After the situation has passed, we can then see what positive things may come from it.

When we trust our hearts (Spirit), not only can we act on emotions such as compassion, gratitude and love, but we can get a better outcome for our own lives. In addition, we are also an example for all who know us that there are better ways to solve problems. One does not have to act from “negative” emotions, but we can navigate our lives and be successful through the kinder, gentler emotions that serve us better in every way and make for a more peaceful community and world!

When we are upset, can we take some reflection time to see the different motivations and reactions going on inside ourselves, and then choose a better and more positive outer behavior?

Conscious Aging Women October 2024

Our awareness of the process of becoming conscious can seem to be tortuously slow with many detours and seeming mistakes, or it can hit with blinding quickness and appear to come out of nowhere. It is the recognition that becoming conscious is indeed a process that can help us in getting through the times when it seems we are in a never ending loop, and nothing appears to be happening. Even when we are meditating every day, doing affirmations and changing behavioral and thinking habits that we have discovered are harmful to our growth, nothing seems to change.

It is this slower and tortuous process, however, that may be necessary to produce the blinding quickness of deeper places of awareness. This process requires great patience and kindness towards ourselves and our environment. ( And don’t we all wish we didn’t need to be patient and persevere in our journey.) But, this is the way toward higher levels of consciousness that we must experience when we are in a body and living with our rational and judgmental mind. It is this rational and judgmental mind that must be dealt with that takes the time and effort to achieve deeper levels of consciousness. It is our rational mind that is comfortable with the level of consciousness that we have achieved in the past. It knows what is expected of it and knows “the rules of operation” at this current level of consciousness. The rational mind is on automatic pilot and knows when it does A, B and C that the desired outcome will happen. And, thankfully, this makes our lives much easier. We do not have to think through every action and decide if it will achieve what we want. Through habit and practice we know that certain behaviors and beliefs will get us what we want.

But, when we are trying to achieve a different level of consciousness, we are changing our “operating rules” and our rational mind must go through a period of assessing these new “rules,” trying them out, deciding that the new “rules” will get us what we want and then going into automatic pilot with the new “rules.”

When this process of changing our “operating rules” seems to take longer, or is more difficult and causes more discomfort, it is probably due to the type of “rules” we are re-evaluating. Those “rules” can be long held or deeply held spiritual, cultural, familial or political “rules”

Thankfully, each time we change our “operating rules” and our rational mind begins to realize that the changing of our rules leads to a “happy” conclusion, the lag time between the acceptance of new rules shortens.

But, it is this “lag time” that can be very difficult to endure. We may begin to wonder if this effort is worth the time and energy it takes. We may begin to doubt ourselves and think that this much wanted change may not happen, or that we are not worthy of becoming more conscious. We may long for the quiet time when we were not wanting to become more conscious.

PERSEVERE!!!!!

The effort is worth the time, the struggle, the questioning, the discomfort. Our rational mind will thank us once it gets its new “operating rules” on line once again.

Another word for “operating rules” can be beliefs.

Conscious Aging Women September 2024

During the DNC Convention recently, you probably noticed how many people spoke about their Mothers’ influence and /or the “line” of women leaders that paved the way for their being able to run for office or “serve the people” in some fashion.

We may forget how many women came before us and were programmed by past times and beliefs. How many Suffragettes lead the way and experienced jail, disrespect, jokes etc. before the right to vote was enshrined! And yes, how many of our Mothers- and maybe we ourselves- were marked by a certain time in the culture that hurt deeply.

These women went before us and certainly understood struggle. They stand up for us and are somewhere, even now, to advise and protect since they know intimately about disrespect and hard times. Have we forgotten that we stand in a line of women who had to become warriors or victims?

So, we have quoted again a short poem by Donna Ashworth. You might want to explore books she has written that might speak to you. There are many poets who are able to capture our life experiences, deep feelings and growth places, and enable us to grow clear and strong.

“When faced with a decision that scares you, think of
those who came before,
the women whose bodies created line after line of
your blood.

The fierce females who could only dream of the
opportunities you have now.
Talk to your ancestors, my friend. Hear their primal
roar.

They are beside you. You are never alone.
When faced with a risk in this life, just once or twice,
jump bravely into the fire they knew so well…
Knowing that they will guide you through and pull
you out.

They speak to you through your gut, these souls.
With their wisdom learned in lifetimes of bravery,
breaks and bold beauty.

Listen.
Be held.
And jump into the flames.”

Remember, you are a model for younger women growing up after you. Some may be direct relatives, but others are somehow in your general line of women taking back the power and influence they should have had all along. Speaking up when situations are hurtful, disrespectful and unjust may indeed be the way in which society can change for the better. We are already being called upon to see clearly what is out of alignment and needs re-structuring. We should not just shut up because we are older. This gives us the wisdom gleaned through years and the ability to not be silenced out of fears of job loss or lack of standing in the community. Think on it and observe!

Conscious Aging Women August 2024

Sometimes, when looking back at our lives, it may feel so long ago that we doubt it ever happened. It’s as though we are in an entirely new chapter. Actually, with our growth and evolution through many experiences of life, we are in another chapter. Yet, what we have learned through all our years, is somehow “in the mix.”

The poem below suggests that we might speak to those old versions of us. Perhaps we should thank them for what they taught us as we grew older? Nothing really is lost in us, even if the direct memory has grown cloudy.

Can we live in the present, knowing that the whole is a product of it all?

Consider the words below: Poem by Donna Ashworth

In times when you do not feel like your old self
I think it is because you are not

you are metamorphosizing
on the move again shifting

a new version of you is coming
to accept the baton from the old

you are changing guard
but unlike the ceremonial soldiers
this doesn’t happen swiftly

it’s more like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon
having dissolved to a pile of goo and sticky residue
ready to reform, ready to break through the shell
you built yourself, without even realizing

you feel your wings tapping at the surface
itching to unfurl but not yet sure of their strength

but something in your soul is reminding you
that the only way to know
if these wings are ready to hold your weight
is to go to the edge and fly

put faith in your process, in nature’s process

a time of change is coming for you
and so whilst you make the final tweaks
to this next version

take a moment to look at the old ones
talk to them, forgive them, apologise to them
put them at peace
Remind them
they were exactly the yous they were supposed to be then
so you could be the you you are today
and the you you will be tomorrow

remind them we will see many more versions of us
before the final one gathers you all
in her wise and loving arms

and takes you home.

When we look at our past, and judging what we see as failures, let’s look at it instead as a gift and a process that helps us to become more conscious and more whole. What we see as failures is often our attachment to outcomes that don’t happen and probably should not have happened. When we look at our past “failures,” can we, with hindsight, begin to see the good that resulted from these “failures”? It is time to change our harsh judgments to an appreciation of the universe perhaps knowing better than we do what is good for our development. All and all, treating ourselves with understanding and compassion is the message of the present for each of us!

Conscious Aging Women July 2024

This article from George Washington School of Medicine seems to turn on its head what we think as one of the main problems and one of the most scary parts of aging. But, it appears that this fear of losing mental capacity for the healthy elder is a fiction.

Please read this and consider rethinking your attitude toward yourself, if you are old, and, especially for younger people, read this article and begin to see the elders in your life as having wisdom and experience that only living long can confer and that old age confers different ways of thinking and processing problems that are helpful even to the young.

Article follows:

The director of the George Washington School of Medicine maintains that the brain of an elderly person is much more practical than is commonly believed. At this age, the interactions of the left and right hemispheres of the brain become harmonious, which expands our creative possibilities. That is why among people over the age of 60 you can find many personalities who have just started their creative activities.

Of course, the brain is no longer as fast as it was in youth. However, it gains in flexibility. Therefore, with age, we are more likely to make the right decisions and less exposed to negative emotions. The peak of human intellectual activity occurs around the age of 70, when the brain begins to work In full force.

Over time, the amount of myelin in the brain increases, a substance that facilitates the rapid passage of signals between neurons. Due to this, intellectual abilities increase by 300% compared to the average.

Also interesting is the fact that after 60 years a person can use 2 hemispheres at the same time. This allows you to solve much more complex problems.

Professor Monchi Uri, from the University of Montreal, believes that the elderly brain chooses the path that consumes less energy, eliminates the unnecessary and leaves only the right options to solve the problem. A study was conducted In which different age groups participated. The young people were very confused while passing the tests, while those over 60 years old made the right decisions.

Now, let s look at the characteristics of the brain between the ages of 60 and 80. They are really pink.

*CHARACTERISTICS OF THE BRAIN OF AN OLDER PERSON.*

*1.* The neurons of the brain do not die, as everyone around you says. The connections between them simply disappear if one does not engage in mental work.

*2.* Distraction and forgetfulness arise due to an overabundance of information. Therefore, you don t need to focus your whole life on unnecessary trifels.

*3.* From the age of 60, a person when making decisions does not use only one hemisphere of the brain, like young people, but both.

*4. Conclusion: * if a person leads a healthy lifestyle, is mobile, has viable physical activity and is fully mentally active, * intellectual abilities DO NOT decline with age, they simply GROW, * reaching a peak at the age of 80 - 90 years.

*HEALTHY TIPS:*

1) Don t be afraid of old age.

2) Strive to develop intellectual.

3) Learn new crafts, make music, learn to play musical instruments, paint pictures! Dance!

4) Take an interest in life, meet and communicate with friends, make plans for the future, travel as best you can.

5) Don t forget to go to shops, caf s, shows.

6) Don t shut up alone, it s destructive for anyone.

7) Be positive, always live with the thought: following: *_ all good things are still ahead of me! _*

*SOURCE: _New England Journal of Medicine. _*

Conscious Aging Women June 2024

As we are writing today, we are watching the funeral of Sandra Day O'Connor, the first female Justice of the Supreme Court. She was appointed 42 years ago by then President, Ronald Reagan.

Her reputation was, and is, one of honesty and clear-sightedness, as well as service to the nation and its peoples.

Today, we see that her appointment brought forward other female Justices. She stood at the head of a line of other women who have been appointed since.

It seems fitting to speak of this as we are writing about "Conscious Aging Women." It's far past time that we have been seen as capable of leadership and as having something vital to communicate and share. Perhaps we ourselves, as products of a certain time and culture, have not seen this about ourselves!

The heritage of those women who stood out in our history may finally be ready to blossom in cascades of flowers in the guise of us all. We may be older, but we also give an example to those women lining up behind us.

This is a significant time when the true treasures of the past may be subject to ridicule. We may stand in the place of other women who tried in the past and were silenced, shamed or subjugated. Now, we are in the front of long lines of women who are ready to speak and to serve, with honor and Truth.

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

Conscious Aging Women May 2024

A Story of Love

Stories can bring us important realities wrapped in charm!

Sometimes they touch the deepest parts of the self without efforting and without resistance on our part. They almost have a magical twist that allows their message to sink deeply within us.

Such a short "story" lies below. It holds a Truth we need to cherish inside us because we KNOW it's accurate!

    Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.

    Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.

    When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.

    Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?"

    Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."

    Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, "Vanity, please help me!"

    "I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.

    Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness let me go with you." "Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"

    Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.

    Suddenly, there was a voice. "Come, Love. I will take you." It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Realizing how much was owed the elder, Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "who Helped me?"

     "It was Time," Knowledge answered. "Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?" Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is."

Anonymous

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

Conscious Aging Women April 2024

Let’s talk about how opening our heart leads to positive changes in our outlook on life, helps our physical health, and makes our communities better places to live.

The Heart Math Institute has a website that devotes itself to research and the understanding of how our heart works in our bodies and in the larger body of the Earth. We encourage you to look into the website and learn the incredible scope of the knowledge that it contains on our heart.

One reason that we close off our heart is to protect us from the residue of prior traumas and suffering. We believe and hope that, if we close ourselves off from certain emotions or relationships, we will prevent ourselves experiencing further troubles. The closing off of our heart takes a lot of our psychic energy which we then cannot use for positive life affirming activities. It also makes us see the world as unsafe, and we tend to becomes suspicious and fearful of others. We can also see ourselves as helpless victims who do not have the personal power to fully engage in the world and take prudent chances to explore the diversity and beauty of the world and others.

Judgments of ourselves and others also shrink our hearts and shrink our world. We are taught to judge, and judge harshly, ourselves and others against a strict code that each culture teaches us. Those cultural codes are not established to further our personal growth, but to make us amenable “cogs” in our culture. Judging others, when we don’t know what they have been through and what tools they have to help themselves, separates us one from another and helps neither the judge or the one being judged. It tends to create chasms between people and cultures.

If we see the heart as our spiritual center, what does the hardening of the heart due to the body? Heart attacks are one of the leading causes of death in the West. The heart also strongly influences what hormones circulate in our bodies. When we are circulating stress hormones frequently, as we know, it causes health problems. Our bodies are a closed circuit entities. When one part of the body is not functioning at optimal levels, the entire entity does not function at optimal levels.

Is it time for you to look consciously at your agenda for yourself and others, figure out what is healthy, what brings you joy, and how you can rest in your spiritual heart center to, not only change yourself, but change your world? What would the world be like if our negative judgments of ourselves and others were held to a minimum?

FYI: www.heartmath.org 831 338 8500

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

Conscious Aging Women March 2024

They call us “The Elderly”.

We were born in the 40-50-60’s.

We grew up in the 50-60-70’s.

We studied in the 60-70-80’s.

We were dating in the 70-80-90’s.

We got married and discovered the world in the 70-80-90’s.

We venture into the 80-90’s.

We stabilize in the 2000’s.

We got wiser in the 2010’s.

And we are going firmly through and beyond 2020.

Turns out we’ve lived through EIGHT different decades . . .

TWO different centuries , , ,

TWO different millennia . . .

We have gone from the telephone with an operator for long-distance calls to video calls to anywhere in the world.

We have gone from slldes to YouTube, from vinyl records to online music, from handwritten letters to email and Whats App.

From live matches on the radio, to black and while TV, colour TV and then to 3D HD TV.

We went to the Video store and now we watch Netflix.

We got to know the first computers, punch cards, floppy disks and now we have gigabytes and megabytes on our smartphones.

We wore shorts throughout our childhood and then long trousers, Oxfords, flares, shell suits and bule jeans,

We dodged infantile paralysis, meningitis, polio, tuberculosis, swine flu and now COVID-19.

We rode skates, tricycles, bicycles, mopeds, petrol or diesel cards and now we drive hybrids or electric.

Yes, we’ve been through a lot but what a great life we’ve had!

They could describe us as “exennials,” people who were born in that world of the fifties, who had an analog childhood and a digital adulthood.

We’ve kind of “Seen-it-All”!

Our generation has literally lived through and witnessed more than any other in every dimension of life.

It is our generation that has literally adapted to “CHANGE”.

A big round of applause to all the members of a very special generation, which will be UNIQUE!

- Author unknown

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

Conscious Aging Women February 2024

You have probably noticed that the last few years have added significantly to feelings of overwhelm and stress. Current life experiences and situations have seemed to just increase these feelings, rather than diminish them. Certainly Covid and Flu and RSV moving through the population have made these feelings even more pronounced.

Talking about this is not to make us more scared and stressed, but to help us realize that we need to do something to assist ourselves in whatever ways we can to balance and reinforce our well-being. It’s too easy to be influenced by the current waves of fear that, before we know it, control us. It’s just current modern reality.

So, what can we do? We need to recognize that being in fear prevents us from seeing and thinking clearly. Also, be aware that the fear that you are feeling may not belong to you. You may be feeling the fear that belongs to family, friends, or society in general. Examine the fear and determine if it is truly your fear, or if it belongs to another. If it isn’t yours, think of ways to let it go.

It is important to be more conscious of feelings that pertain to you and your life rather than those feelings that come from the outside world. It can be easy to pick up strong feelings from others or world events and take on their intensity. Examining what is yours and what isn’t can help you to use your energy wisely.

Choosing to actually take an action to affirm what is your energy and your valuing of it, assists you in being conscious of this difference and avoiding overwhelm.

How would it be if you sent yourself a Valentine, in the spirit of this self-awareness? How would it be to get yourself a gift in this spirit? Something like this can assist your deep appreciation of the self as one who cares and can make an effort to survive those life challenges that come!

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

Conscious Aging Women February 2024

You have probably noticed that the last few years have added significantly to feelings of overwhelm and stress. Current life experiences and situations have seemed to just increase these feelings, rather than diminish them. Certainly Covid and Flu and RSV moving through the population have made these feelings even more pronounced.

Talking about this is not to make us more scared and stressed, but to help us realize that we need to do something to assist ourselves in whatever ways we can to balance and reinforce our well-being. It’s too easy to be influenced by the current waves of fear that, before we know it, control us. It’s just current modern reality.

So, what can we do? We need to recognize that being in fear prevents us from seeing and thinking clearly. Also, be aware that the fear that you are feeling may not belong to you. You may be feeling the fear that belongs to family, friends, or society in general. Examine the fear and determine if it is truly your fear, or if it belongs to another. If it isn’t yours, think of ways to let it go.

It is important to be more conscious of feelings that pertain to you and your life rather than those feelings that come from the outside world. It can be easy to pick up strong feelings from others or world events and take on their intensity. Examining what is yours and what isn’t can help you to use your energy wisely.

Choosing to actually take an action to affirm what is your energy and your valuing of it, assists you in being conscious of this difference and avoiding overwhelm.

How would it be if you sent yourself a Valentine, in the spirit of this self-awareness? How would it be to get yourself a gift in this spirit? Something like this can assist your deep appreciation of the self as one who cares and can make an effort to survive those life challenges that come!

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

Conscious Aging Women January 2024

A new year will soon be here bringing with it new energies, new possibilities and new ways of thinking. But before looking forward, it may help to look backward first.

As we are writing today, we are watching the funeral of Sandra Day O'Connor, the first female Justice of the Supreme Court. She was appointed 42 years ago by then President, Ronald Reagan.

Her reputation was, and is, one of honesty and clear-sightedness, as well as service to the nation and its peoples.

Today, we see that her appointment brought forward other female Justices, and today we have four female Justices on the Court. She said that she did not want to be the only female Justice, but the first female Justice of many to come.

It seems fitting to speak of this as we are writing about "Conscious Aging Women." It is way past time that women are seen, by themselves and others, as being capable of leadership and as having something vital to communicate and share.

We see this integrity, determination, and courage in the female Georgia election workers who were slandered by government officials and who were willing to fight those lies with the truth. This seems like the battle of David and Goliath all over again. But, this did not deter them, and they won!!!

The heritage of those women who stood out in our history, as well as the strength of current female figures, encourages us to stand up, not only for ourselves, but for others and for the truth.

Today, we stand in the place of other women who tried in the past to be seen and heard and were silenced, shamed or subjugated.

We may be older, but we are an example to those women lining up behind us. So, let us give them an example to be proud of and that will change the future for all of us.

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

Conscious Aging Women December 2023

It is the ending of another year with a new year beginning. What do we want to end or finish in our lives and what do we want to begin?

How about ending some old, negative thoughts that we have carried around about ourselves, others in our lives, and the general human condition? We know that negative thoughts effect our health and effect how we see the world.

Negative thoughts affect our body chemistry by producing and circulating unhealthy hormones such as stress hormones. These hormones constrict the blood vessels to our brain which makes our thinking process less exact, and it takes longer for us to formulate plans and solutions.

Negative thoughts also skew how we see the world, ourselves and life in general. If we believe and say to ourselves, everyday, how awful we are, or how messed up our family or friends are, or how awful the human condition is, that is what we see and believe. This daily repetition of negativity literally makes a “groove” in our brains and that negativity is what unconsciously pops up in our thinking. We miss the good in the world and in ourselves and others.

Let us consider how cultural conditioning can produce negativity in our lives. Many women experience some of this conditioning in the areas of boundaries and self care. For example, we are asked to forget ourselves if anyone around us needs our help. To say “no” was labeled selfish and wrong. We rarely were told that it was important to take care of ourselves. Sometimes we could do both, but other times demanded we make a choice. Becoming conscious helps us now to look at the old messages again and take a more balanced approach. As we care for the self we care for the whole. Is it time to finish with this conditioning? Is it OK to make your boundaries and enforce them?

At this time of gift giving, isn’t it time to give yourself a gift, the gift of freedom?

Make a list of what needs to be ended in your life and what would you like to begin?

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

Conscious Aging Women October 2023

What is gratitude? According to the dictionary, gratitude is "a feeling of thankful appreciation for favors or benefits received or thankfulness." Can cultivating gratitude in our everyday lives help us to withstand the personal difficulties we experience or help us feel the world's problems with less emotional intensity?

The answer is YES.

Studies have shown that keeping a "gratitude journal" can help us to feel more positive, even when life throws us a curve. What is a gratitude journal? At some point during our day, we can sit down and write what we feel grateful for. For example, I am grateful for the smile my neighbor gave me today; I am grateful for my community; I am grateful for the garbage company that picks up my trash every week. As we become aware of and write down all the things in our lives that work, a sense of contentment can arise. And once we begin to look for and see all "the little things in our lives that work", the world and our lives begin to look better and better. We may begin to see ourselves as "lucky" to have a life that works so well and is so full of positive occurrences.

When something unforeseen or negative happens, we can count all of the things that are working in our lives. Remember that our Mothers might have said to us "count your blessings."

On a larger scale, when we are able to acknowledge all the positive things that not only happen to us personally, but all the positive things that happen in the world, the world can seem less dysfunctional and scary. And as we begin to see and acknowledge the positive, it becomes more and more likely that we will see the positive in all things.

This is not to say that we ignore the "bad" things that happen in the world, nor do we stop trying to help the "wrongs" of the world, but we will have a better balanced view of the good and bad in our own lives and in the world when we acknowledge both the negative and the positive.

If you don't want to write down things in a journal, then take a minute per day, perhaps before you get into bed, to acknowledge what you are grateful for that day. Try finding 5 things to be grateful for and those 5 things will soon increase to 6 or 7 or 8 and so on. Looking at the positive can help alleviate depression and anxiety and help us to see life in a more balanced way.

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

Conscious Aging Women September 2023

We thought the following poem might be a reflective piece for you for this September, as we move into the last third of the year

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

The Time of the Awakened Woman
by Dr. Shefali Tsabary

August 2023 Conscious Aging Women

Last night the weather report noted that this month may be the hottest recorded on Planet Earth! And still people don't want to believe the truth when it is uncomfortable. We can no longer assume that there is a status quo regarding anything. What will it take for humanity to get the message that we must take action?

Passivity, hiding out and denial can give a very temporary break but do nothing to really help. So, the most important thing we can do is to take personal responsibility for ourselves. The first thing we can do is to realize that every choice we make has consequences. Before we make a choice, it is a good idea to realize what consequences come from our decisions. This leads to a sense of empowerment because we have thought through our decisions and possible consequences and are making informed decisions. We are not victims of our unconscious behaviors and other peoples' pressures. We are thoughtful participants in creating the society that we want.

If we just try to snooze through, we can become victimized by what others create. Our power to participate is stripped away, and what will affect us is determined by others.

Just as we need to take responsibility for our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual selves, we must now realize that we are part of a community and what effects one, effects all. We need to expand our definition of "self" to include our neighborhood, our state, our country and Mother Earth.

Modern society, with its emphasis on individuality, seems to have forgotten the indigenous wisdom that we are part of a long line of humanity both before and after our individual lifetimes. It is our responsibility to care for the next "seven generations."

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

July 2023 Conscious Aging Women

Let’s be clear. We are smack-dab in the midst of a major shift on this planet. In case we doubt it, just look back at the past few years. Covid-19 actually was in 2019! We are still, in 2023, having Covid cases pop up across the world. Just consider the effects on your life of this “event.” Are you having difficulty with knowing the date, the month, the year? Are you losing track of holidays? Even weather patterns can’t keep us in synch with where we are on a “normal” calendar year.

Then, consider the weather more. Almost every night, for months, we have been hearing of multiple tornadoes. This is an anomaly if we measure according to the past!

Events have planetary impact. Weather patterns are shifting across the world. Certain animal groups may be pushing extinction. Just in the past few weeks, we have been hearing the fears related to AI systems that are already working in the world. And, we have a new cycle across the planet of the rise of dictatorships and the swelling of hatred for groups that are in any way different, whether it be by nationality, skin-color, sexuality, economic status etc. In these instances, we see violence increasing. Our gun control is in free- fall, where greed seems to be winning over life.

Most recently, we see mobs or coups happening in places across the world. Russia is the current case in point. These events create so much stress when they also involve the possession of nuclear weapons!

All of this we mention not to scare but to point out that we are literally in the midst of a major re-shuffling on this planet. Choices about what matters and if greed- involving money or power- will allow avoidable deaths.

This is relevant to us all and, as conscious aging women, we have a direct role to play. As we have said before, we stand in a unique position as Bridgers. We know the past as we have been there directly, not just by reading about it, and we are alive right here in the midst of a time of life and death choices.

We are MIDWIVES because of this unique position.

We do not need to be in governments or on Boards to have an influence. We have an influence every day in the world. We may not see this, but we are involved. Every time we speak to friend or family, buy products, answer surveys, vote etc, we speak.

WE ARE NOT IRRELEVANT to the unfolding of life. We are indeed MIDWIVES who can have an effect just by being ourselves in life as it unfolds around us and in us.

What would you say, if asked, about what we all need right now, what needs to be honored, what needs to be ended?.

These may be our last years of influence on the planet to leave some assistance to those we love. What do we want others to know?

And, it’s important for us to realize that, when we know we have the ability to influence events and outcomes, it gives us a sense of hope, strength and power. We don’t need to feel helpless-the “I can’t do anything” despair-in the face of unfolding events.

If we stay powerless, angry and fearful, we actually give extra power to how these events impact us and the world. But, if we know we have the ability, even if not to directly act, but to know that our energy itself can and will energize others and positively shift what is happening in the world, we know we can make a difference!

We have to remember that we are energetic beings and, even the energy that we put out, effects the world itself and situations in this world.

Can you remember instances of seeing how an energy can change a room, can change others’ emotions, can change the outcome of an event? What kind of energy do you want to put out that can have the power to shift so much?

June 2023 Conscious Aging Women

You have probably noticed that there are many issues in our current collective lives that involve women, the most prominent of which are what we do with experiences of rape and what is happening with regard to pregnancy.

We are coming out of an inheritance that was predominately male-oriented and patriarchal. Just recall that voting and working outside the home were somewhat recent in their overturn! Women are still battling with old ways of thinking and behaving. God help us if we were also of another race, ethnicity or religion that was somewhat unknown!

As older women, we have seen and lived under both world views and practices. We know deeply the suffering and the power it took to stand up for what is right and fair. That's because we were "there" and in the control of these forces.

As older women who experienced all this, we know how much energy and determination it took to bring about another reality.

More hidden might be the inner "marks" that we took in about ourselves. These include self judgements for not being pretty enough, compliant enough, wealthy or educated enough, able to speak clearly in the world or do jobs that were traditionally male. Self-doubts are hard to eradicate because they are buried so deeply.

In some ways, an older woman has a harder time because of having lived in another type of world and then being brought into the new. Younger women may not feel these issues in the same ways, just their residue! In another way, older woman have the wisdom of years and the experiences that give a "leg up" in moving into the new.

Check out the writing below, and see how it touches you personally. What is your current inner experience? Would you add something to this piece from your own life?

"Walking My Talk"

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

Author Unknown

Old age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body I sometimes despair over my body - the wrinkles, the baggy eyes and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio.

I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4:00 am and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50s & 60s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body and dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten and I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heard has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, of when a child suffers, or when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. I can say "no" and mean it. I can say "yes" and mean it.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to love forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste my time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day.

May 2023 Conscious Aging Women

CAW Self-Compassion

May is the month of Mother's Day, the month of warmth and sun and of new growth in our yards and new beautiful flowers. Perhaps it is a good time to look anew at being kinder and more loving towards ourselves.

We can learn how to practice self-compassion when life hands us difficult things. Difficult things can be failing at something, not getting the love and support we need, hurting a friend or loved one. With self-compassion, we can help ourselves to not repeat unskillful behavior and to learn better coping skills. And, self-compassion also helps our bodies.

Research done by Dr. Kristen Neff and Dr. Chris Germer has shown that when we treat ourselves with self-compassion our bodies respond by being less anxious, our blood pressure goes down, we are less depressed, we use fewer drugs, there is less suicide. So, in general, we experience less stress and are happier.

What prevents us from being "kind" to ourselves? What research has found is that we believe that, if we are kind to ourselves after experiencing difficulty, we will be less motivated to change our behavior. If we are harsh with ourselves telling ourselves "you are really stupid, you are a loser, can't you do anything right" we will be motivated to change our behavior. However, that is exactly the opposite of what happens to us. When we are harsh with ourselves, we are less motivated to change. We think less of ourselves, and it is much harder to believe that we can successfully change our behavior.

Another block to being kind to ourselves is that we don't think we are worthy enough to choose to love ourselves, instead of beating ourselves up, when difficulty comes into our lives. We don't believe that we know how to be kind. When this thought comes, think of how you are kind to others, and to your pets. Use those same skills with yourself.

Learning to be kind to ourselves is a skill we can learn, if we choose to take the time and effort to do so. This skill like all other skills does not happen immediately, it takes intention and practice. So what can we do when a difficulty arises in our lives? The first thing to do is to take notice that something doesn't feel good, that we are hurting. Recognize that “I am suffering." Give yourself permission to feel the feelings.

The second thing to do is to ask yourself, "what do I need right now?" Then, do that, do you need to cry, do you need to take a walk and get away from the situation, do you need to talk to a friend, would a hot bath or shower help you?

Then, after the strong emotions are quieting down, recognize two things. Number one: bad things happen in life. I am not a victim; everyone goes through hard times. Number two: tell yourself and believe it that you are an imperfect being. We all make mistakes and that is how we humans learn.

Then, treat yourself as you would a friend. Give yourself permission to be nice to yourself. Learn to be a supportive friend to yourself. Touch yourself kindly, hug yourself. Figure out what will give you comfort until the emotions of the difficult situation have calmed down.

When you are in a safe and calm place, hours, days or longer after the situation, then ask yourself how you could have done things differently. Ask yourself questions, "did I really understand what was happening, or did I let my emotions get in the way? If I am in a similar situation how can I protect myself in a more skillful way? Is this person or situation so toxic that I need to stay away from that person or situation? What did I learn from this situation?" Sometimes difficulties lead to profound understandings of ourselves and others.

The more care and support you can give yourself in difficult situations then the more able you are to maintain your self-confidence to go forward again and to face the next difficulty in life.

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

April 2023 Conscious Aging Women

There was a living metaphor paraded in front of the country recently. It was the site of the Blue Angels roaring in the skies over the Super Bowl. But, if you saw this, you know it was not the usual fly-over. This time, every pilot was female!

How appropriate that at this time of our evolution, when there is a stress on balance and on the acknowledgement of the value of our female selves, an almost sacred symbol held by men, that spoke of strength, force, vision and victory, was represented by females!

We all come from ancestral lines that have been touched by old cultural standards about female "place" and identity and roles. Apart from some indigenous nations that held other views, most peoples, especially in the west, held beliefs about female abilities, limitations, jobs and talents that were extremely narrow. Most of us know this very well. Were you ever told that you needed to focus on your primary job of taking care of the kids and the home and making a desired life for your husband?

Were you ever told not to aim too high, lest you be disappointed, since some roles and jobs were the province of the male? We are still talking about the difference between male and female pay for doing the same job! Did you ever hear : "You don't belong here" or "You are taking a job that belongs to a man."

The residue of these attitudes has not entirely disappeared, but the changes have begun to update old understandings and prejudices. Younger people may actually laugh at some of this as though it was a joke, not a real attitude.

The important thing is to realize how we, as a bridging generation, were marked by some of this, and perhaps directly influenced by it. Does any of this still live inside your life and color your dreams?

We are at a point when a new vision of who we are and where we are going, and what is even possible, as well as valuing the blending of our lives and talents, is beginning to blossom.

You can tell when something is growing by the opposition that suddenly begins to materialize. This can be a natural result of any change. The "opposite" views and lifestyles are fighting for their existence in the fear of the replacing of the old status quo. It does not mean that we won't progress if we stay vigilant and hold a more positive vision.

Maybe this is a time to really reflect on what we want our world to be, not just for women, but for everyone! We are the in-between generation who can see realistically what was and what might be. We are midwives for a more whole and just future.

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

March 2023 Conscious Aging Women

March has come, and the Spring Equinox is not far behind! Daylight is going to be getting stronger and longer, as Daylight Savings Time returns as well.

We've had a hard winter in the Northern Hemisphere, marked by unusual weather patterns, multiple tornadoes, earthquakes and volcanic eruptions. These outer events have mirrored the ups and downs of our inner lives and life situations.

Light itself usually brings newness, reflected in the growing grasses and flowers and animal births, and these, in turn, usually bring hope and more involvement in the world outside the home.

After dealing with so much "darkness" in terms of illness and political unrest and fears, it may take an extra push for us to begin to live more fully and connect to the world, when fear of closeness still fills the atmosphere.

Hence, we present here a Donna Ashworth poem that may assist our "revving up" to risk stepping out once again to encounter others and the world and our deep selves.

THIS IS NO WAITING ROOM
What if you didn't wake up tomorrow
and your soul is watching down
thinking of all the things you didn't get to do yet
because you were too scared
or too shy
or too worried about money.

And all the things you told yourself
you weren't good enough for
swam in front of your eyes
fighting for a place in the line
beside the words you didn't say
and the joy you forgot to have.

My friend, there is absolutely no room
for anything in your day
other than acceptance
You will never have enough money, or time
and you will certainly never have that perfect body
the world told you to want to be happy.

And before you say it's too late
to embrace this thing we call life
No it is not
You can do it right where you are
right this minute
get outside, breathe, look at the trees
put your bare feet on the grass
hand on your heart to feel that pulse
and that's it.

You're living.
Keep that up.

Wait up for the moon sometimes
or get up early to see a sun rise
just because you can
jump in the lake
run, skip, dance
the things you need to feel alive
are all around
you just have to see them.

Let in opportunity
and say yes to the invitations that scare you a little
in a good way.

Say no to some of the things you force yourself to do
knowing they rinse you of your peace.

Life was never supposed to be a waiting room
it was supposed to be a hillside
with paths leading in every direction
and mountains as far as the eye can see
hiding adventures and new friends behind them.

Don't let yourself get to the end of this ride
without having stopped to smell those beautiful roses
that's the only thing you need to fear in this life
everything else is all part of it.

It's all just a messy, complicated, beautiful
and terrifying part of it.

Chin up, throw your arms wide open
and let it be so.

Donna Ashworth

Thank you, Donna! We need to hear your words!

February 2023 Conscious Aging Women

Traditionally, February marks the month of Valentine’s Day and the world of love and romance. Even though we are still in the midst of winter, only half-way to the spring Exquinox, warmer thoughts of heart callings take center-stage.

Let’s reflect for a minute, as a conscious aging woman, on what may need our love and warm hearts at this time of our lives.

One major place that deserves our love, understanding and concern, is the Self. All the aspects of the self that live in this world need acceptance and understanding and, indeed, thanks.

It may be time to consider how we treat ourselves, how judgemental and demanding are we? Do we ever call ourselves names? Are there any self-expectations we have that are in any way unreasonable or harsh?

What kind of hurt and pain have we carried for years? How do we treat our bodies? Think of what these bodies have dealt with as we have grown. They have seen sickness, disabilities, pain, irritations, as well as pleasure and joy. They have been there to chronicle it all!

Do we ever think to thank our bodies, our feelings, our minds, our spirits for their fortitude, perseverance, helpfulness, service, love and dedication to us? Perhaps this is the time. Perhaps this Valentine’s Day can mark the beginning of a new admiration and gratitude for all that we are!

Celebrate YOU for just being all that you are!

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

January 2023 Conscious Aging Women

Here we are at the beginning of a brand new year, even though we might have doubted that it would ever come! The image that comes up to represent all this is a climber in the Himalayas. We may be standing at the top of a high peak that we have laboriously scaled, but when we broaden our vision, we see even greater peaks ahead!

These past years have presented us with huge challenges. Often times we have had to spend so much time and energy working on outer issues in our culture and environment that we have had no time to give ourselves time and energy to reflect and understand what we need to flourish and to see clearly.

Is there anything positive here at all? There is no one answer. Is there something about you, your make up, your belief, your hope that has sustained you? How do you view all this?

The world is not what it was. It needs changes, even deep ones. But many of us believe that the past and our past traditions are good enough, why change at all? Our experience, though, tells us that we are beyond the past, that we have outlived ways that no longer serve us. There are always those who want to hold tight and restore what does not work because it is too much trouble to re-create anew, It brings pain and requires effort.

But, we cannot keep going with the haves versus the have- nots. We cannot keep going with killing the planet. We cannot keep going with the triumph of lies over truth. Either we change or destruction is the future we bring on.

We need to be conscious of where we are putting our energy. When we become too absorbed in the chaos, we just add to the chaos and lose our perspective and become overwhelmed. The key seems to lie in keeping our inner balance and our calm so we can see the positive possibilities for the future and for ourselves. And to quote Ram Dass, it is about “keeping your heart open in hell.” The heart can see and value what the mind cannot.

Your heart will speak its truth to you.

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

Post Script

We look forward to connections with you.

November 2022 Conscious Aging Women

Since the "invasion" of the Covid virus, and its consequent saturation across the world, as well as its effects on the status quo of everyday life, we have been living with the intense presence of fear and anxiety. That which cannot be easily controlled, can shift the inner and outer worlds that we well know.

Work and school and relationships and health standards and money and travel etc. have all been touched. We are not living in the world of 1990 or 2000 or 2010 anymore. When all areas are turned upside down, how do we react? Fear can write the script.

Not only is our outer world upside down, but also our inner world is confused. The old ways of being and doing no longer seem to work, and we don't know what to do next. Our sense of control is battered which means that even the smallest challenge puts us over the edge into anger, confusion and lack of focus. When this happens, fear and anxiety arrive.

Older adults have some experience with fear and anxiety because of the nature of aging itself. Since elders have already lived through many situations that are filled with fear, they have learned coping skills that can prevent the paralysis that often comes with fear and lack of control. And, they also have the self-confidence to remember that incidents like these have happened before, and they have managed to survive and grow.

Right now, fear is part of the package of living at this time. It is a natural reaction when things fall apart. You can, however, trust yourself to know that you can come up with solutions that work for you in the moment. We need to trust that something good is being born that we cannot see in the moment. Trust your heart and inner knowing.

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

Post Script

We look forward to connections with you.

October 2022 Conscious Aging Women

Last month we wrote about how our self-talk and self concept are heavily influenced by what we have learned as young children, young females, and from the culture at large. Much of our behavior has been determined by parental guidance, education, job requirements, and the desire to fit into the culture and society in general.

To become conscious we must begin to question how these teachings have affected us. And, we need to analyze if these teachings have wounded us and made us believe that we are less than who we really are.

Let's look at what effect social roles have in defining our lives. Often the roles that we inherited are defined in their perfect form. Let’s look at the mother role as a constant self-sacrificing caregiver that is always available to others, takes care of every issue in the home and school and is always available to her husband and his needs. This is a Donna Reed picture!

The problem is that no human being can do this or be this without failing the model and then condemning herself.

This is only one social role that we often carry in our unconscious. You may want to look at images of roles that you carry to see how realistic they really are. For example, the expectation that if you fulfill the “perfect wife and mother role” that your husband will be the perfect "breadwinner" into your old age. Women of a certain age still carry this unrealistic model and may not have prepared themselves for real life when husbands might leave them, or husband's haven't planned for the future, and these women have no active job skills for survival.

What other social role messages are active in your life that are not realistic yet still have power over your life? If we have social roles that are not realistic and true, then they are causing us needless judgments and suffering. They also cause us to diminish our true identity and strengths until we are a limited version of our real Self.

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

Post Script

We look forward to connections with you.

September 2022 Conscious Aging Women

What do we mean by being "conscious"? Let's begin by being conscious of who we believe we are.

Shakespeare said, "This above all: to thine own self be true . . ." How can we be true to our self until we know who we think we are. Many things in our lives give us messages about us, and we get to choose which messages we accept and which messages we do not accept about ourselves.

Many of the messages we use to define our "self" come from childhood and from the culture we are raised in. And, these messages we accept become our "self-talk". Self-talk is that which we say to ourselves in our heads over and over again thus reinforcing those messages. We often do not even realize what we say to ourselves and how that effects who we think we are, and what we expect from ourselves, from others and from life in general.

To become conscious, we must examine, understand and realize that this self-talk is how we define ourselves, and it dictates our choices and behaviors. As part of the examination, we need to look at where these ideas came from to see if they represent who we want to be.

What did you hear as a child? Messages like: "don't be so loud, who do you think you are, sit down and be quiet, get serious, do what you are told, what do you know." Fill in the blanks from your own childhood.

In growing up as a female did you ever hear: "that is not lady-like, girls don't do that, that is not attractive, smart girls don't attract men, why send girls to school you are only going to get married, women don't know what is good for them, you don't want to become an old maid, you should accept the lower pay because you are not worth as much as a man."

The messages from childhood and from adulthood as a female still reside in us and create some of our self-talk. Becoming conscious involves looking at these influences to see how they are still effecting us.

Until we examine what is influencing our self concept, we don't know what our true self looks like.

This is the time to begin!!

Feel free to send us comments or questions or suggestions of books, movies, etc. that could be shared with others. We cannot guarantee that we will share your comments on the website, but we may if it seems appropriate.

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

SHE LET HERSELF GO

How wrong they are, how little they know.
She simply stopped fighting time,
Stopped fighting nature
And ceased being a slave,
To the unreachable dictations of society,
Just briefly.
She focused instead on the real things,
Pressing for her attention.
She let herself in.
She let herself rest.
She let herself be.
She let herself out.
At no point did she let herself go, my friend.
Quite the opposite.
If only they could see it.

If only they could do it too.
Donna Ashworth

August 2022 Conscious Aging Women

There is a term being used in science and in therapeutic settings known as "extinction bursts" that may help explain what is happening today in the world and in us as humans.

This extinction burst can be directly related to the phrase "it is always darkest before the dawn." It is observed in scientific settings that, when a species is approaching extinction, there can be a sudden burst of life energy just before it dies. Also, in therapy, when a person tries to eliminate a behavior, that behavior can become more intense for a period of time just before it is extinguished.

The "extinction burst" concept may help us get through these difficult times in our global society, if we realize that the racism, sexism and other ways of limiting human freedom and expression can appear much stronger as they begin to wane in power. If we just look on the surface, hope can be extinguished, and we lose our optimism and our ability to continue to fight for change for the present and the future.

In our personal lives as well, we can we be overwhelmed with depression and hopelessness when we see things get worse instead of better. We do need a change in vision so we can be more realistic of how the change process works.

As older adults, we have lived through this change process many times, but we may not have realized how this change process works. How did you react when depression set in after you worked so hard for a goal and saw nothing happening? Would the knowledge of the “extinction burst” have helped you to keep going?

We are living in a time when the older societal structures are not only failing us but are becoming extinct. There is a need to be flexible so we can keep what works and re-invent what doesn't work to meet current needs.

Does this also apply to us as older conscious women? What in us needs to be released so we can have a meaningful present time life?

Feel free to send us comments or questions or suggestions of books, movies, etc. that could be shared with others. We cannot guarantee that we will share your comments on the website, but we may if it seems appropriate.

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

Post Script

We look forward to connections with you.

July 2023 Conscious Aging Women

With all the chaos, confusion and lack of moral integrity going on in the world, it is hard to think clearly and respect our own values when we see others doing whatever they please to secure their own ends. Leaders seem to have forgotten that they represent the people and have a responsibility to care for all. In the face of all the disruption, how do we keep our own center and sense of responsibility when others seem to have none?

The shock and disbelief that we feel is caused by many of the values and ways of being in the world that were the bedrock of society, such as basic politeness and taking responsibility for our actions, that seem to be evaporating before our eyes. And those people in society that have upheld these values now seem to be sneering at them. How do we stay true to ourselves?

In the middle of all this, we need to remember that, as older conscious women, we have wisdom fed by years of experience at our disposal. We know what kind of values and actions are needed to form a strong family and society because we have been part of their formation. We also know the importance of being flexible and inclusive in order to cope with the inevitable changes that life brings. Because of the influence of “ageism,” however, our wisdom is not always sought. Hopefully, we can show our strength and speak out when appropriate. How else can we counteract the insanity that is rampant in the world?

Yes, speaking out can require courage, but we have the example of many of our fore-mothers who have shown great courage and risked their lives to get the vote for women and, as Margaret Sanger did, try to ensure reproductive health for women as well as Rosa Parks who helped spark the civil right movement. We never know when our words and actions can have a positive effect on the whole society.

Because women have been treated so poorly in the past and the present, we know how important it is to speak out and take a stand to correct imbalances and injustices that wound individuals and society itself. We are being called to action!

Feel free to send us comments or questions or suggestions of books, movies, etc. that could be shared with others. We cannot guarantee that we will share your comments on the website, but we may if it seems appropriate.

Thank you,
Jean and Chris

June 2022 Conscious Aging woman

There is so much happening in the world right now that brings up what we have already said re.consciousness and aging, as they apply to women. In the middle of a situation yesterday, I (Jean) realized these realities in me. I was confronting myself with the choice of not putting up with a manipulatory, demeaning and controlling atmosphere. What to do about it? I knew I needed to take care of myself, even though taking care of other people might be "pulling" at me.(A woman's role is to care for others and not think about herself!) Whether to speak or not to speak? It was then that I realized that I still carry inner messages and training that support the more compassionate and tender parts of the self not speaking, being passive, being silent. I certainly heard in my childhood that I had NO voice. I had to listen to my Father's will, or face the consequences, which could evoke violence. This applied to everything, especially small things. No one wanted to hear anything from me. I grew up, I think, accepting this attitude without any other awareness. Male energy said how things were.

And, having male energy in charge and telling women what to do and not do, has left us in psychological and emotional chains! In some ways, this seems obvious, and I have even thought about this in general, but it hit home suddenly in a way that was more impactful. Then, I realized that the part of me which is more "male-like", the part that speaks out, takes action, defends oneself, and honors oneself, was also in chains. The stronger side is there, but has been held in silence. Have you experienced this? Younger people may not have such a strong reaction.

I was looking back at some ancient stories and myths the other day, and I was aware how many of these tales speak of the female being seduced, raped, imprisoned, held captive, and treated as property. "Gods," like Zeus, were always lurking and capturing the young females. It made me wonder how old these attitudes are in the human race. It makes changing these attitudes a little more daunting an endeavor, since it abides in us as well as in the outer world!

We can also see how these attitudes about Mother Earth closely resemble the culture's attitudes about females. We have treated Mother Earth with impunity, taking what we want and not caring what we leave behind. Mother Earth has been raped again and again by our male dominated corporate culture which values greed and power above all else. We are currently reaping what we have sown!

We are being shown quite clearly the interconnectedness of how we treat woman and how we treat the earth. When will all this change?

What has to happen? When can the chains be removed from both so that balance can finally be achieved, both inside and out?

May 2022 Conscious Aging woman

As we asked in the article last month: How does being "conscious" influence our view of being female and being an elder?

If we are "conscious," we are aware and reflective. This means we try to get an overview of what being "female" and "elderly" mean, and how different groups and cultures participate in the meanings we have been handed through time. The next step is to determine how we have experienced these categories as we have moved through life.

So what does "being female" mean in this culture? It means being docile, subservient, not equal, weak (being afraid and needing protection), and many other pejorative adjectives. A woman’s role is in the home, primarily keeping house, raising children and keeping the social calendar. She does not have an identity outside the home, and her work should never be a career. This has changed somewhat in modern times, but remains the foundation of "womanhood".

How have you experienced these expectations in your own life? Women are often told not to be so "sensitive" when these expectations get thrown in their faces, however they do affect their day to day life. The patriarchal power structure does not like "sensitive" women who call them on their B.S. But, often, women accept this criticism, feel disempowered and shut up.

How does being conscious of these attitudes help to empower women and thus start changing these attitudes? An empowered woman knows when these attitudes are being used to manipulate and control her. When she knows this, she can choose an effective strategy to combat these old stereotypes and free herself to be a whole human being.

How does being conscious effect how older women are regarded and treated? Older women are facing a double whammy. Not only do they live under the distorted beliefs about being female, but they also face the distorted images and beliefs regarding aging. Especially in the West, aging is often thought of as being useless, tired, not contributing to society, needing support, mentally confused and generally a drag on society. The West venerates youth instead of wisdom.

Being conscious of the fact that these attitudes are culturally based, and not all cultures hold these attitudes toward the elderly, can help us to not accept this definition of aging. Indigenous cultures give their elderly positions of influence because they are regarded as wisdom- holders whose experiences are vast and hold solutions to present day problems. The young often have neither the experience or patience to make a reasoned and informed decision when a new problem arises. The elderly have experienced many of these difficult situations in the past and have lived through them. They are therefore wise counsel.

To be an empowered conscious aging woman then means we are not trapped in old attitudes that are not accurate. This is the time when the voices of conscious aging women need to be heard to give dignity to all members of society and to ensure that everyone has a place at the table to help build a new just, wise and compassionate society.

P.S. Some people say that the elderly have been in control of this world and have made a mess. However, these elderly power- brokers are mostly white, rich men who do not take anyone else’s needs into consideration. It is the lack of diversity that has caused many of the problems that we face now.

April 2022 Conscious Aging Woman

What does it mean to be conscious? Consciousness implies being present and being aware. We all know what "living in the past" or "living in the future" means. We all do it. When we live in the past, we freeze ourselves in that time and replay what has happened. Sometimes we judge ourselves and others, and criticize ourselves and feel guilty. This causes anxiety and a lack of clarity. Or, we make the past into a sacred event that needs to be done over and over again. All this prevents us from being in the present moment and being creative with the next situation.

Living in the future prevents us from being present with what is happening right in front of us. And, if we are basing our behavior on the future, we are out of touch with how we can influence the present, the real situation.

"Being present" is not an easy place. Making difficult decisions when there are no easy solutions can bring up heightened emotional reactions. Our emotions and decision making are conditioned by our gender, race, religion, socio-economic status and many other factors. Being present is the only place to be, but it is difficult because of the many factors that must be weighed if we are to make a compassionate and just decision.

Consciousness and awareness are about knowing whether you are in the past, present or future, and knowing the factors that influence who you are. It takes creativity and patience to sort through all the choices you have and what influences your choices and to see how your emotions can either clarify or distort your decisions.

Being conscious and aware leads to compassion for ourselves and others because we see how really difficult it is to feel our emotions, to make difficult decisions and not be unduly influenced by our prejudices.

How does being "conscious" influence our view of being female and being an elder?

We will talk about this next month.

Web-site Introduction 2022

We are living in a time of transition that is leading us into the rolling out of a new world. Our lives have radically changed due to the impact of the Covid virus. Changes that have occurred due to the virus include: people have been working from home and are reluctant to re-enter offices; people are quitting jobs at record numbers; people are moving away from their current locations; schools have changed the way that children are being educated; professions that were considered stable in the past now are losing workers, from medicine, to schools to the military, etc.

Along with just physical realities shifting, there is an assault on ways of thinking and believing. Our old ways of thinking and believing are being challenged in unprecedented ways. Sometimes, remember, this can lead to positive changes!

Although this throws us into levels of chaos, it may actually be a good thing because it enables us to really think anew about what we truly believe and want our lives to reflect.

So, the old beliefs, behaviors, and status quo are changing. They are changing so quickly that we can no longer rely on the past and how we used to cope with issues, because our reality has changed so dramatically. Our old ways of treating the Earth, minorities, women, and anyone who might think differently than we do, have been influenced by fears, judgments and prejudices. In this moment, we are being forced to re-think, re-evaluate and re-make our world.

One of the major ways that we have organized our world has been through the unspoken rules of the patriarchy. These “rules” include: competition, suppression, wars, class structures, greed, denigration of differences, oppression of women and the elderly, and the indiscriminate mining of the planet.

If we are re-thinking, re-evaluating and re-making our world, one of the first things we need to accomplish is to look at the “rules” of the patriarchy and the mess those rules have created. Sometimes, these qualities can be valuable but, as we all know, left unbalanced and out of control, they can result in hatred, “class” warfare and actual Fascism! Our culture has already begun to realize that the patriarchal attitudes must shift. They need to be in balance with the more “feminine” qualities that we all possess. In the name of survival, this is the time!

One of the necessary major shifts, then, is support for the acknowledgement and placement of women in our society, in all realms. The perceptions of women, and their value to us, all need to shift now, as well as women’s perceptions of themselves that have been shaped by the culture for so long.

Since the patriarchy, in the past, has only seemed to value those members of society who are actively bringing in paychecks and working to build more wealth, a second shift that needs to occur is in the role of the elderly that has been diminished over many decades in western society. We can ill-afford to disregard the contributions and wisdom that experience brings. For too long, then, half of the population, comprised of females, has been ignored and their talents wasted, and we have done the same to the elderly.

If we are building a new world, with new values, we can no longer afford to ignore any part of our population. We must recognize that each part has something valuable to contribute, and we must allow this contribution to be an active and accepted part of our society.

And this is why we have chosen in our new website to concentrate on empowering aging women. We want to look at who we really are, beyond who we have been told we are! We also want to look carefully at our values and experiences and how we can help our world thrive in a more balanced, compassionate and inclusive way.

We welcome you to this unfolding adventure!

Post Script

We look forward to connections with you.